How long will this last?

I am frustrated and it often feels like no one gives a damm about me.

I work my butt off but yet I am treated like there is someone better than me.

I try extremely hard to keep a happy face but it honestly feels like I can’t keep it up anymore.

For years I have tried to been an inspiration to many but it’s starting to pull me down.

I want to be on my own path but it really feels like I can’t be.

Family begs to stay together and someone complains when they move away.

And when they visit I’m ignored almost. Those few days are simply awesome but at the same time extremely lonely.

Friends, well you tell me. It feels like they all abandoned me after high school yes even best friend Sarah. Bob, Mitch, Matt, Kelly, Hannah ok should I continue? Do I even need to continue to name names?

I often feel like there are only seasonal local friends now that only seem to be around when the weather is nice and things are open but yet there has been no season because of COVID.

I do have a couple distant friends like Matt, Chris, Steve, Jill.

There is a high rate of suicide among veterans and I can often tell why. It’s not easy being well disciplined among the general population. You are seen as some kind of teacher’s pet and just don’t fit in. People want to do it their way but yet you know a more efficient way of doing something because that is how you think.

Am I over thinking this?

The 13th will be 14 years for me and I had many hopes and dreams.

The paralympics, oh you’ll never make it.

Be a teacher? No one will ever hire you.

Live on your own? We’ll have to wait and see.

Wait and see? How can you ever say that?

No one can understand you.

We are going to make you do this but the person that comes after can do whatever the heck she wants to do; she knows better, or so thinks.

I am an adult growing up in a 14 year old body surrounded by the wants and dreams of others. Yes others.

No one seems to understand me so why do I even bother to talk? Do they just think that by making me think that I understand will make me feel like I can?

When will I ever get a chance to be myself?

You have made it to the end and I hope you realize how much hurt you have given me by ignoring me, making me think you understood me, and by telling me what to do.

Oh let’s not even talk about politics here.

One thing many don’t know about me is I know how to be verbal I am very expressive when I want to be.

Now I am going to go scream. Have a good night all!