What’s on my mind right now?

Where were you 9-11-2001? Here it is 20 years later from the day that changed America.

And if I could say that was why life is like it is today I am likely wrong.

There is so much going on right now that I really don’t know where to begin.

Life is not easy and I definitely do not do it for attention.

Sure 9-11-01 was a defining moment that carried me through high school and was one of the few factors in joining the military. I was ready to give myself as much as I had needed.

But then February 13th, 2007 happened and maybe that is what is just cracked this all open.

I fit in very few places.

I’ve encountered those uncomfortable stares.

I’ve heard the words up to and including “you don’t belong with us”. Can I ask what gives you the right to even say that?

I work my butt off but it really seems that people rarely notice. In fact it seems they would rather overlook me.

Yes I am talking about employment promotions. Maybe instead of relying on just one interview perhaps you need to look at how reality is? Do those people actual do what they say in the interview? Maybe you need to find out how they act in reality?

But back to that day.

It likely did keep me from going to Afghanistan and something major happening there but who knows?

Now it brings me today; I have made tremendous gains but I look around me:

I have cycling every so often but that is frustrating too. Long story there.

I have a boyfriend who likes to tell me everything and likes to call several times a day it seems. How much is too much? Is it just me?

I really don’t have many friends. I think the accident scared them away and somehow it is up to me to call them

Yes I have thought about suicide at least once but if you knew what I was dealing with you would understand.

I just want people to talk to.

I want to be allowed to make my own choices.

I want people to understand that they may not completely understand what I am dealing with.

I want people to stop telling me hurtful words.

I want people to realize that I am human and I have every right to do something I want to do.

I am hurting and I am no longer sure where to turn.

If you get anything out of this the advice I have for you is to think before you act please!