Do I even matter?

Not everyone will do the right thing.

These are trying times for everyone.

Not everyone will try to be inclusive of others; they are more worried about themselves.

When I was in the accident, my whole life changed. I felt like I was secluded from pretty much everything.

It seemed every where I went my mom or someone went with me.

I bought a condo and I could enjoy some freedom but I still felt like I was always connected.

I had to do things sometimes behind my back because others wouldn’t let me do it.

Slowly I was able to gain more freedom but I still felt stuck.

I took up paracycling to help me feel free. Once again I felt like I wasn’t allowed to travel alone.

So I learned and got everything planned before I told my parents and of course they were worried.

They can go away but I can’t? Somehow it doesn’t feel fair.

I slowly gained more confidence but then this damn pandemic hit.

People on finance committee started to want more; that alone is frustrating. I’m trying to keep up with all the changes they want. I sometimes feel like a failure.

I’m pretty much stuck riding inside and trying to talk on zoom while riding is very frustrating. Can they even understand me?

Once again, I felt alone. At least my younger sister is very protective of what I do.

I see others doing things that I know I did with them before but it really makes me wonder what my purpose is?

What is my purpose?

I want to make the paralympics and I have both sides telling me completely opposite. Maybe it’s motherly instinct to not harm their children? Am I even good enough? Should I give up trying?

Oh I will never know, I doubt that I will ever get children or even married.

Again I could go on, what is my purpose?

2 thoughts on “Do I even matter?

  1. Hang in there! The key is not to give up. Even if you don’t have a clear plan or path, keep going, being positive and having faith that passion, focus and perseverance will lead you to what you need and deserve. You have already accomplished so much and you will do so much more – stay the course and follow your dreams! Blessings! ♥♥


  2. You can do it! You are inspiring, strong, and just as you are, perfect whole, and complete. Be well. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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