Do I even matter?

Not everyone will do the right thing.

These are trying times for everyone.

Not everyone will try to be inclusive of others; they are more worried about themselves.

When I was in the accident, my whole life changed. I felt like I was secluded from pretty much everything.

It seemed every where I went my mom or someone went with me.

I bought a condo and I could enjoy some freedom but I still felt like I was always connected.

I had to do things sometimes behind my back because others wouldn’t let me do it.

Slowly I was able to gain more freedom but I still felt stuck.

I took up paracycling to help me feel free. Once again I felt like I wasn’t allowed to travel alone.

So I learned and got everything planned before I told my parents and of course they were worried.

They can go away but I can’t? Somehow it doesn’t feel fair.

I slowly gained more confidence but then this damn pandemic hit.

People on finance committee started to want more; that alone is frustrating. I’m trying to keep up with all the changes they want. I sometimes feel like a failure.

I’m pretty much stuck riding inside and trying to talk on zoom while riding is very frustrating. Can they even understand me?

Once again, I felt alone. At least my younger sister is very protective of what I do.

I see others doing things that I know I did with them before but it really makes me wonder what my purpose is?

What is my purpose?

I want to make the paralympics and I have both sides telling me completely opposite. Maybe it’s motherly instinct to not harm their children? Am I even good enough? Should I give up trying?

Oh I will never know, I doubt that I will ever get children or even married.

Again I could go on, what is my purpose?