Where do I go from here?

I haven’t written in a while because I am really trying to figure everything out.

I’m not even sure where to begin but I’m sure most of you have gone through this in some way, shape, or form.

I’ll start with the good stuff.

I’m alive.

I am getting faster triking.

I get to travel the world doing something I love doing and with people who I love being with.

Ok now on to the other stuff.

I’m 37 nearly 38 with no husband and no kids. I have 1 sister with my nephew who works a lot and I rarely get to see. I have another who I feel like is trying to push her religion on me.

I have very few friends and a majority of them live throughout the country. I feel like I am stuck here but yet I don’t feel like I have the capability or the support to move anywhere else.

No one really calls and my mom texts me nearly every night.

My 20’s were spent with mainly my mom, the first few years were recovering and the last few years because no one was around and I had absolutely nothing else to do.

Please stop right here and I need you to put yourself in my shoes.

How would you feel if you never got to do anything with people your age?

How would you feel if you never got your own family?

How would you feel if you don’t feel like you have the ability to do something without someone watching?

How would you feel if you have to endure feeling left out of everything?

How would you feel if people just didn’t want to give you a chance at work?

How would you feel if you were solo until the day you died?

Before you comment on what I say please remember

IT IS NOT easy to just go out and meet people anymore, being disabled AND having a speech disorder makes it a bajillion times harder.

I can’t just “get better”. How I am now will be how I am all ways throughout the rest of my life.

And this time in my life is when I start thinking would it have been better to not have survived that crash in 2007?’

Can anyone help here?