I can’t reach the top of the pole.
I am too defensive of a driver.
I am not into driving again today.
I live in Rockford, IL away from anyone who wants to do something.
I am not fast enough.
I am not strong enough.
I’m not going to lie, today is too much of a struggle for me. Seeing pictures from Team USA makes me feel great and sad at the same time. I feel like the box was kicked out from under me. I feel like I am never destined to be great. I feel that I am not understood or appreciated enough.
Having to drive to visit a friend was awesome but why am I always doing the driving? Then I am asked to drive again to hang out with my sister. Honestly why do they never come visit me? It takes a lot of energy to get moving and not something my memory will always remember.
6 months of dealing with a breakup that was wrong and a complete mistake is hard enough. 11 and a half years ago, my life could have been over and I honestly feel like it should have been especially like today.
I often feel like I am not good enough.
I’m hanging by a thread.
I’m the last berry to be picked.
And it is days that I look at this and just wonder:
How the hell? Yes how the hell did I? Why am I doing what I am doing?
I won’t say it was easy. It look a hell of a lot of patience and determination. It also took a lot of telling others “No” and doing it anyways.
Today I carried two chairs from my garage to my deck while trying to walk on the uneven terrain. It is only 100 feet or so but it felt like forever. The ground caught me a few times and I broke my sunglasses.
But I did it.
One positive for today. That positive keeps me going. I know I can do it. However sometimes I wonder, are others blind? Do they not see that I am just like them? That I deal with the pain that happens with Activities in life?